How to deal with high conflict ex’s that you share children with.

First; for the parents who get angry towards one gender, moms or dads, I want to clarify that the high conflict parent can be either the mom or the dad and in some cases the stepparent/ grandparent.

In some cases they absolutely are but for both genders. Some judges are biased towards men, some towards women and some are bias in their own other ways. Next; the high conflict person is not always the custodial parent. Sometimes the noncustodial parent is the high conflict parent. Sometimes the step parent or grandparent is the high conflict parent. Sometimes all parents involved are high conflict. Without knowing all of the details, we should not criticize based off of partial info and should not assume based off of gender. 

Here are some of the signals that will determine your are in fact dealing with a high conflict ex.

They make decisions without considering and or consulting the other parent. 

Tend to be controlling even when it’s not their parenting time. 

Demand that their partner/significant other be involved in co-parenting decisions even when they aren’t respecting the other parents role or the other parent is not comfortable with the partner. 

Tell you what you are and are not allowed to do with the children on your time. 

Make up reality’s that are not supported by evidence. 

Paint you in the light that they are actually the ones that need to be painted in. 

(Some) may post mean “untrue” things about you on social media. 

Have little to do with positivity for the kids yet claim to be a victim of your control and your evil ways. 

Minimize your parental role any chance they can. Going to any extent necessary even creating false truths to appear truthful. 

Make you question yourself and or hesitate when parenting your child. 

Try and sometimes succeed at removing you from being able to make medical, educational, religious and day to day decisions despite their being no (or minimal) evidence to support that you should be limited in these aspects of parenting. 

Refuse to equally or at least fairly share in parenting time with you. 

Refuses to co-parent with you unless there’s an order mandating they have to coparent with you (in some cases refuses to follow the court order)

Refuses to allow extra parenting time outside of the court order.

(And there are other things we could add to this list.)

Belittles you and empowers themselves with the terms of the court order. 

If you are dealing with a high conflict ex here’s some things you can do t minimize the evidence they create out of their lies and chaos;

Be clear in your communication. 

Only communicate in writing to eliminate dishonest accusations that are unsupported by evidence. 

Ignore their “rules or demands” of how to parent during your parenting time. Be confident in your parenting. Their opinion of your parenting isn’t important. Your children love you even if their other parent hates you. 

Only respond to communications that pertain to your children or are child related. 

Deny (in writing) claims that are made about your parenting that are untrue without engaging in argumentative back and forth. 

Deny any claims against your character that are untrue without attacking the other parents character. 

Do not engage in back and forth arguments once you’ve strategically responded and have the evidence you need to support true facts. 

Do not bash or vent about the other parent on social media. Sadly social media can be used against you or used to make you appear to be emotionally unhinged. 

Call parents not visitors to help you if you still struggle with communicating strategically and let me teach you how to create evidence, avoid creating evidence for the other parent, and navigate co-parenting with a high conflict ex who’s lies have been believed in family court. #familycourt #sharedparenting #parentsnotvisitors

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